Typical English things

Whether we see normal or strange things depends on the milk we have sucked, we buy that. But, man, the English... have their own thing. Someone who drives on the left (among other things) needed a couple more days in the oven. If not, also look at the Japanese...

Yes, we are the same ones who write about the strangest names of things and the laziest things . It's about things, so we wanted to score a hat trick with this post about the most typical things about the English. We were going to make it about the French, but they did give us good things: the champagne, the omelette, the bidet or the felaci… croissants.

Anyway, we have already repeated “thing” 9 times in the introduction alone, let's get to it before Google penalizes us for spam ...

1. Excessive punctuality

In Spain we leave home at the same time we meet, that is an unwritten rule. The bad thing about this is that the meeting time gets later and later, in fact, “why am I going to be punctual if everyone is going to be late?” Then they close the supermarket and you have to go buy beers at twice the price at the bazaar on the corner, eh? Well, being punctual doesn't bother you.

That would never happen to an Englishman. If you meet a loyal subject of the British Empire at such an hour, you can get off your ass and leave home early to be nailed at the agreed time. There, not ten minutes of courtesy, nor is it that the grandmother smokes nor that period of time of 45 minutes up or down that we understand in Spain as "now."

Be o'clock if you're meeting an English person on Tinder and you don't want to make a fool of yourself before they even hear your horrible accent.

2. Physical contact, not even with a stick

Ok, are you right on time? Well, don't even think about greeting your date by shaking hands, much less two kisses, because with that you will practically sleep in the barracks that night.

We Spaniards, as Mediterranean people and people who see the sun every day, are like that. Open, friendly, we like to get close and rub each other more than a fool with a stick. But the English, like other cold northern peoples, have the stick stuck up their rectum, so a slight nod with the head is enough to say “hello” or “goodbye.”

Are you already thinking about whether it is a good option to flirt with an English person? Wait, there are more things...

3. Conscientiousness in forms

The English ask for forgiveness even when it is not their fault. For example, if someone pushes them on the subway, they apologize with the classic “sorry.” Let's see, we are not saying that you have to be rude in life, but apologizing when you are the wronged person... It's like hitting a fist with your face, so to speak.

Such conscientiousness disgusts a Spaniard. In fact, they don't limit themselves to asking for forgiveness almost even for breathing too loudly, it is also seen in the way they speak. The language, the less colloquial, the better. This is not very difficult either, considering that in English there is only “You”.

We Spaniards make a bad face if they push us on the subway, which is normal, but our language does have the polite form “You”.

You already know, if you still want to meet an English person, apologize for existing. Just in case .

4. Talk about the weather

If in Spain you start talking about the weather, there will be less sexual tension on your Tinder date than in a confessional (well...). It is the topic we bring up when we don't know what to talk about, that is, badly. Very badly. Fatal!

For the English, on the other hand, time is a topic of conversation on par with the everlasting dilemma between Platonic idealism and Aristotelian materialism. And don't think that they are satisfied with two minutes, that they might spend half an hour talking about the weather. Come on, rain three quarters of the day.

A lot of being punctual, and then wasting time talking about nonsense like Big Ben when we grew up.

5. Love for queues

Another typical thing about the English is that they love queues. They set up a perfect line right away and for anything, maintaining the vital space of separation between one person and another, lest they rub against each other and get pregnant. Also, unlike what happens here, the site is not saved, and not even the grandmothers skip it.

In Spain we also queue, some for things that are really worth it, like seeing your favorite band, and others for stupid things, like getting the new iPhone every year.

It doesn't matter your sexual orientation: if your Tinder date is with someone English, you'll most likely end up sucking a tail, at the very least.

6. That food…

Continuing with food, in Spain we have an enviable gastronomy, like all Mediterranean countries. English food, for its part, well... Calling that food is like calling a can of cockles from Mercadona a seafood platter.

There are English dishes that can be quite a challenge for a Spanish stomach, Mr. Roca knows this well. As the bad known is better than the good yet to be known, many of us end up at McDonald's, which is the same crap anywhere in the world.

7. The “understatement”

The “understatement” can be understood as subtlety, finesse, lack of justice in the face of something. That is to say, if an English person says something is “not bad”, it is probably the best thing they have ever seen, tasted or experienced. We Spaniards only say it when we feel envy and what we really want to say is “What a son of a bitch…”.

We talk to you about the English “understatement” in case your date ends up crashing cars and the only thing you receive afterwards is “it wasn't bad.” It's not that you haven't given enough thought, it's that English refinement prevents them from expressing their feelings. So, just in case, remember to ask for forgiveness.

8. The obsession with tea

Although the cliché is that the English drink tea at five o'clock , the truth is that they drink it at any time of the day.

Whatever it may be, for an Englishman, tea time is more sacred than the royal family, another very English thing, by the way. There is a whole ritual that revolves around this drink of Asian origin, and each person has their own secret technique for throwing leaves into a boiling liquid. Making tea is complicated, and not negotiating Brexit.

Come on, if you don't like tea, the only thing you're going to wet on your date will be cookies. And in your own tears.

9. Pubs as places of worship

In this we do resemble the English, when it comes to getting together with friends and starting to knock over glasses of beer or cigars.

English pubs are authentic meeting centers where topics of national interest are debated, such as football or the weather. A little like we do at the Manolo bar, only here we change time for topics that improve the lives of the most disadvantaged social classes, like Bizarrap's latest hit.

In any case, it is not a bad option to meet in a pub/bar with an English person. If you don't have a topic of conversation, bring up Gibraltar and you'll see how things heat up.

10. The tartan print

Well, now that we've made friends with the English, we have to break a spear in their favor (just one, eh?). That spear is thetartan , which, although of Scottish origin, is a print that always gives an intellectual touch to any outfit even if the only thing we have ever read is the shampoo bottle.

In fact, it can be a perfect option for your Tinder date with an English person, as a nod to their culture and the beautiful customs that we have seen in this article. At Sliwils , we propose tartan for an accessory that is always forgotten: the laces of sneakers .

They are not a guarantee that your date ends with the bottle uncorked, but we are convinced that they will surprise a person who, in Spain, wears flip-flops with socks.